The Universe Had Other Plans

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Oh, hey there. It's been a minute.

By now you've realized I've been MIA from the gram and the blog for a bit. Well, the reason I've been gone is because... drum roll... I'm pregnant and working my hardest to provide for the little life about to enter ours. This was a completely unexpected path. We never wanted to be parents. But the universe clearly had other plans.

Initial reaction? I felt like I was 18 in college saying to myself, "Oh no, what am I going to do now? My life is over!" But then I realized I'm almost 30, ha. I've been dealing with first trimester sickness, exhaustion, and just trying to get myself together financially to be able to provide for the new one. It's not easy. If you've had children and have had to rework your whole life routine, sister, I know what you feel now. She/he is not even here yet and I'm freaking out. The hardest part about this journey for me is the finances—being able to provide a good life. Excited? Yes. Stressed? Definitely. I'm currently trying to figure out how to take care of a newborn when both parents work full time, yet we can't afford child care (if you have any tips, comment below or dm me on IG). Another difficult part for me is having someone depend on me. I've always been a somewhat selfish person, free to go where I want, when I want, or mostly to not leave my house ever. So the thought of someone's life depending on my actions is terrifying.

I've always known how pathetic this country is when it comes to women's health. And maternity care falls under that. When a couple or single mother decides to create a new life (or it's a surprise), they're essentially on their own. Figure it out yourself or fall into poverty or homelessness, work yourself to death, never see your child, raise a mediocre human. I'm really considering moving to Sweden (480 days of paid parental leave!).

However, I'm excited to raise a human that values life in the way we do. I'm excited to share our knowledge and create a compassionate, curious, and beautiful human. I'm just worried if I will have the time, if I will have the money, if both parents will be able to be there rather than slaving away at work. But thank goodness I have an amazing partner and that we have a bit of time before she/he is here to figure it all out.

This break from social media has been much needed. I've been sick, exhausted, ravenous, unable to keep up my fitness, scared, rethinking life, moving. Being away from socials gave me time to focus on me and my family and the things we need. I mean, how many times do I talk about self care, amirite? Preparing for baby is not easy for us. We're worried and excited, dreading it but can't wait. I haven't felt like myself for almost five months. I'm finally getting back to me and settling into the thought of being a mother. I just hope this new life is given everything it deserves.

As you know, I'm a very private person. My pregnancy will be displayed through fashion, but details of my new life and photos of the baby will be private and shared with close friends and family. I will definitely not be posting as routinely as I was in the past. Though I still love blogging, more important things are happening in my life and my priorities are there, of course. However, I'm definitely open to hear how you other working mothers deal! I don't know what the hell I'm going to do when she/he arrives, so please, anything that worked for you would be wonderful for me to consider.

 

Do you want kids? If you have them, were they planned or a surprise? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below!